Quatre's Christmas Rap!
by rjones2818
Summary: Q, T and Duo go Hip Hop on Relena and Heero has a gun. 1x2, 3x4, 5xR. Serious Relena Bashing. Rated for language and sexual situations.


Quatre's Christmas Rap  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own GW...doing this for fun...sort of.  
  
-Begin Story-  
  
Relena sat in the Royal Box at the Sanc Opera Hall and fidgeted. She always hated waiting for special guests who were added to the annual Grand Christmas Carnival, and today was no exception. Chang Wufei noticed his bride-to-be's nervousness and squeezed her hand on the armrest between them. "I'm sure Quatre is going to play something on his violin. You've heard him. He's faaaabulous." Relena grinned at Wufei's affectation. The fact that the Winner boy was a poofter was irrelevant to the evening's festivities, but she didn't like him or his creepily quiet boyfriend, Trowa. On the other hand, Quatre was a wonderful violin player.  
  
*  
  
A Cobalt Blue pair of eyes watched the Queen of Pink from a vantage point above stage The acoustics in the hall were such that he could hear every word from the soon to be married couple, and he frowned at Wufei's snide remark. Heero Yuy knew that Wufei had meant it as a put down of Cat, and Heero didn't like others attacking his friends. "I would have a perfect shot from here and with my silencer Wubear wouldn't have a chance to react before I put one in him, too" Heero smiled as his caressed his dart gun, which was hidden in his spandex shorts.  
  
*  
  
Quatre paced nervously waiting for the curtain was over. He wondered how Duo had talked him and Trowa into doing this. Duo, of course, was behind his turntable ready for anything. Trowa strode up to Quatre, and the two lovers embraced in a passionate kiss (Trowa knew this would take Quatre's mind off his nerves). Of course, the curtain slid open while the two were oblivious to the world.  
  
The appearance of the two kissing was to be infamous in Sanc for many years. They were met with a combination of shocked silence, hoots from the hooligans in the back rows, polite applause from the more enlightened of the well heeled and rowdy cheering from the rest of the crowd. When Trowa and Quatre finished their kiss, which had been beamed world wide via Sanc Television Consortium, they looked at the crowd and blushed a little. Quatre then walked up to the microphone and addressed the crowd.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the season of giving, and in honor of this sentiment Grand Master Q and the G-Boiz..." Quatre paused and glared at Duo, who had chosen the name for their act. Grand Master Q then turned back to the mike. "...would like to offer this performance as a Christmas gift to their favorite person in the world."  
  
Quatre grabbed the mike and removed the stand from the stage. He and his bandmates were dressed in the traditional flowing robes of his Arabian forefathers. Relena, meanwhile, perked up. She thought the dedication was to her. The ruler of Sanc thought 'So I'm those perv's favorite person in the world am I. I may have to rethink how I feel about them.' Wufei looked slightly concerned at what he had heard. Heero smirked, for he had managed to sneak into a 'closed' rehearsal off-site for this particular performance. He pulled the gun from his spandex with a slight sigh, realizing that some major wishes would be coming true tonight. He took careful aim at both Relena and Wufei to test the sights on his weapon. The gun, as per usual, was in perfect working order, and the nerve agent he had put on the tips of the darts would work within seconds. Suddenly there was movement on stage.  
  
Quatre, with a great flourish, had removed his Arabian robes to reveal a sleek black leather outfit, and he had about 20 gold necklaces around his neck. Relena gave a start when she saw Cat's outfit. Wufei was sure the band was up to something. Trowa and Duo were dressed similarly to Quatre. Duo started to scratch on the turntable. Trowa, who had moved to an electric piano, started to bang out a catchy line. Quatre started the performance.  
  
"Master Q's on the mike and he wants to hear you out loud if you can hear him. If you hear him say hey!"  
  
With that the audience yelled "Hey" and some started to wave their arms in the air.  
  
Q: "If you can see me say ho!"  
  
A: "Ho"  
  
Q: "Let me hear you say Hey-ey"  
  
A: "Hey-ey"  
  
Q: "Let me hear you say Ho-o"  
  
A: "Ho-o"  
  
Quatre smiled at the reaction of the crowed. He continued "And in the Christmas spirit that we find ourselves in, I want everyone to make like Santa Clause and go ho ho ho. Can you do that. Let me hear you say ho ho ho."  
  
A: "Ho ho ho."  
  
Quatre was now sure that the festivities were going to go as planned. He looked out at the crowd and said "Now that's important to remember, 'cause I'm gonna ask you to add some vocals during the song. When I point the mike at you, go ho ho ho!" Quatre the pointed the mike at the audience.  
  
A: "Ho ho ho."  
  
"I think we're ready then, let's go!" On Quatre's command, the band members all started to sing:  
  
B: "Relena"  
  
Q: "is a ho, ho, ho!"  
  
B: "Down on her knees"  
  
Q: "Watch her blow, blow, blow!  
She chased Heero, Duo, Trowa and Quatre, too  
She finally caught Wufei  
'Cause his balls were bluuuuuue!"  
  
The blood was draining from Relena's face as a result of her embarrassment...her worldwide embarrassment. Wufei hung his head in shame and he felt shrinkage in his pants. Heero let out a slight chuckle at the reaction of the two.  
  
B: "Relena"  
  
Q: "is a" points mike to audience, which he does at this part of the refrain the rest of the song  
  
A: "Ho, ho, ho!"  
  
Q: "Down on the girls  
watch her go, go, go!  
She's licked Noin, Sally, Une and Hilde, too  
She would have done Dorothy,  
but Dorothy went "Ewwwwwww!"  
  
Quatre danced on stage while Duo and Trowa took their solo turns on stage. Heero aimed at the now nearly catatonic Relena. He timed the waves of the arms in front of her and slowly pulled the trigger. His aim, as always was impeccable. He quickly noticed form beginning to form at Relena's mouth. He then repeated the exercise with Wufei, with the same perfect results. Smiling at a job well done, he headed from his spot to the G-boiz waiting limo.  
  
After the solos the singing started again.  
  
B: "Relena"  
  
Q: "Is a"  
  
A: "Ho, ho, ho!"  
  
Q: "So you better be good  
Don't you know, know, know!  
She's chased Santa, Donner and even Rudolph, too!  
If you've been bad,  
She might chase you!  
  
B: "Relena"  
  
Q: "Is a"  
  
A: "Ho, ho, ho!"  
  
Q: "One more time!  
  
B: "Relena"  
  
Q: "Is a"  
  
A: "Ho, ho, ho!"  
  
And with that the boys in the band struck their best hip-hop poses and the song was finished. As the crowed went wild, Grandmaster Q and the G-Boiz rand for the safety of their waiting limo. They high fived each other and Heero as the savored their one and only performance.  
  
*Later, back at one of Quatre's safe-mansions*  
  
"I don't think that could have gone any better if we had mind control on that crowed" Duo smiled broadly at their success.  
  
Trowa also smiled and said "Yep."  
  
Quatre shook his head in amazement at the events of the evening. "I'm glad things went so well, but I was relived when I got those chains from around my neck. I'm gonna be sore for quite a while because of them."  
  
With that, Trowa reached over to his lover and started to massage his neck. Quatre purred and produced his best come hither bedroom eyes. Trowa snickered and picked up his koi and headed towards the stairs.  
  
Quatre, knowing that he wouldn't be able to ask Heero again that evening called back to his friend "Hey Heero, I hope you like your Christmas present!"  
  
Heero, who by now was ensconced on the couch with a nearly naked Duo called back "You know it Master Q. And with the presents I've given myself it's gonna be the best Christmas ever!"  
  
Duo disengaged his lips from around a particular part of Heero and asked "Presents you've given yourself?"  
  
"You'll find out in the morning!" Heero smiled broadly and smirked as he said "Now make like Relena and blow, blow, blow!"  
  
Duo happily did just that!  
  
-End Story- 


End file.
